Thursday, February 25, 2010

So Here Goes

I guess it's about time to blog about the past couple of weeks in my life. I know a blog doesn't have to be super peppy all the time so I'm keeping real once again. After my last post asking for prayer for Bam, I guess things went downhill quickly. The Friday of Valentine's weekend was the last time she was really coherent and thankfully all of my dad's siblings were with her. By Sunday, she had gone into a deep unarousable state and on Monday at 2:20 pm, she had passed away. It just seemed strangly quick since we had been home 3 weeks prior and she was up and moving around. We think she just kinda made up her mind that she was tired of the pain and ready to go home.
Adam and I went home for the funeral this past weekend and it was an extremely emotional time for everyone. We have a pretty close extended family and everyone was there. We were showered and blessed by so many friends with flowers and food the entire week. (I think at this point, I am trying to keep 5 different arrangements alive in my house:-)) [Also on a sidenote: These are the moments when you're on the other side and you realize what it really means to have have a meal cooked for you or a note to say you're thinking of someone. It makes you want to do kind things more often]. Bam was buried Friday morning on a GORGEOUS sunny morning at the National Cemetery in the same plot with my grandfather, Doda.
Since this is kind of like an online journal for me, I've decided to copy some of the words I shared from Bam's funeral. I'd like to be able to look back and read it when I miss her. It's been hard getting back to the "routine" things in life. Life goes on all around you, even if you're grieving on the inside./ My heart hurts for my parents now who have to deal hardest with the empty hole and empty house that was left behind. I'm trying to remember that "things" are not how you remember a person, but the memories.

So here goes:
This past Monday, I lost not only an amazing grandmother, but a best friend. Since I was one of the lucky grandchildren that lived in town, I can only think of a few moments or life events that didn’t include Bam. Without fail, she was present at every recital, graduation, prom, tennis match, birthday, holiday, new home, and wedding.

​Growing up, I spent my afternoons after school with Bam. And still to this day, no one can figure out where I came up with the names “Bam” and “Doda”. One of my favorite memories is when Bam and I would walk down to M&M Mars to meet Doda on his way home from work every day. I would play “salon” with her hair and give her hair massages using every single washcloth in the house.. and she would feed me baconJHer and Doda took me on a trip to Disney World and we would always laugh at how the cops pulled them over thinking they weren’t making me wear my seatbelt. She would let me sip on her wine (even when I was completely underage) and try on her engagement ring. I helped decorate many Christmas trees and help finish puzzles. My favorite would be when she would watch me play tennis for 2 hours and not know if I had won or lostJ She always had a way of making you feel special and were the “favorite” grandchild.

​Bam truly lived up to her motto, “Live, Laugh, Love”. Everyone loved her who met her and I often had friends comment on how jealous they were of my relationship with my grandmother. She had one of the most contagious spirits about her. She was beautiful, poised, graceful and remained fashionable throughout time. Everything in life was always “so wonderful”. She was generous and kind to everyone.

​Throughout the last year of her life, we were able to share some of the most intimate moments together where she shared that she was ready to go home. I miss her already and know that I will continue to miss her for a very long time to come. However, Bam left us all an incredible legacy and I know that she is now rejoicing in Heaven. “And God shall wipe away tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain”. We can be reassured with these words, but Bam, we will miss you dearly.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Things I Hate Talking About

I really don't enjoy putting sad or depressing things on my blog, but I just felt like I should share the latest with what's going on with Bam. Christmas was great getting to spend lots of time with the family but it was extremely evident that Bam was not feeling like her usual self. Over the past few weeks, from what I'm hearing from my mom and dad, she has spent a large amount of time sleeping and in a significant amount of pain. They have set up a Hospice nurse and a "sitter" to be with her while my mom, dad, aunt and uncle are rotating nights. It's especially tough to grasp this situation, especially being 8 hours away, but I still trust in God that He will be with her and take care of my Bam. They have switched her pain meds and along with Hospice, I hope she can be comfortable. As always, we appreciate prayers because that's the only thing we can do.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze... Since you are precious and honored in my site, and because I love you". Isaiah 43:2,4a.